Men who use violent and controlling behaviours are likely to attempt to avoid responsibility for their behaviour. Typical ways that they try to do this are to:

• justify their actions
• use jokes or humour
• selectively disclose facts
• frame their behaviour as relationship conflict (most commonly by saying 'We had a fight').

Men who use violent and controlling behaviours often attempt to get other people in their lives to join with them in denying their responsibility. They often:

• try to keep their violence secret
• present their best side to the world at large, and 
• portray themselves as victims in order to further deny their responsibility.

Men cannot change their behaviour without first assuming responsibility for it. You need to be alert to the ways that individual men attempt to avoid responsibility, and take steps to counter these attempts when you experience them.