If you've ever been physically violent against a woman, if you've committed sexual assault, if you've hit, pushed, threatened, kicked your spouse or girlfriend, then you have been part of the problem. If you've used emotional blackmail, read a partner's email, followed her to see where she's going, your behaviour has been part of a bigger pattern of men's violence and control over women.

If this happened long ago, admit what you did was wrong and make amends if possible. But if your violent behaviour has any chance of continuing, then you urgently need to get help getting to the root of your problem. Don't wait until it happens again. Please act today.

Many men will never be physically or sexually violent. But let's examine ways we might try to control women:

• Do we dominate conversations?
• Do we put them down?
• Do we limit women's activities (either directly, by saying, 'That's not for women' or indirectly, by making women feel excluded or intimidated)
• Do we always feel we need to be right?
• Do we always want to have the last say? 
• Do we find an idea or suggestion more appealing if it comes from a man?

As men, we might like to think of ourselves as treating women equally. But research has shown time and time again we don't. For men, at least a lot of the time, the answer to all of the questions above is 'yes'.

Whether or not you've ever been violent, all men must take responsibility for ending all forms of violence, because all men — in big ways and small — do things that perpetuate a situation of unequal power between men and women. 
 

Some of the text on this page has been reproduced or adapted from material supplied by the White Ribbon Campaign in Canada. We thank the White Ribbon Campaign for generously allowing us to use their material. For information on Australia's White Ribbon Day, see Get involved in White Ribbon Day.