Just because you’ve been violent in the past doesn’t mean you have to be violent ever again. Your violence is a decision. It’s a choice that you have made from the many different options open to you and you can choose differently for the future.

If you want to move away from a relationship based on power and control to one based on intimacy and respect, you do need to stop blaming your partner for your behaviour. If you want to build a loving relationship, not one based on fear, things are going to need to change.

Family violence rarely stops by itself. You may be quite sincere when you promise it will never happen again. Unfortunately, most men who use violent and abusive behaviour find that they cannot keep such promises without support and help from others.

The Men's Referral Service is an anonymous and confidential telephone service for Victorian men who want to stop their use of violent, controlling or abusive behaviour towards their family members.

Phoning the Men’s Referral Service is: 

• free 
• confidential 
• anonymous.

Any man may call the Men’s Referral Service. We also take calls from women and service providers.