Effects on women

Chances are, if you think you might have been using violence or control, your partner and kids will be feeling lots of difficult emotions as well. They might be feeling fear and a loss of power, dignity and control. They might feel like they're walking on eggshells — worried about what you might do or say to hurt them next. 

Your behaviour might also be having other effects on your partner. Her health, mental health and wellbeing are likely to be suffering, regardless of whether your behaviour includes physical violence.

Of course, using any form of violence against a partner also has an enormous impact on children. If your partner is scared of you, this doesn't just affect her and you. Research has shown it also affects your own relationship with your kids, and their health and wellbeing now and into the future.

Effects on women

Family violence has a range of short and long-term physical, emotional, psychological, financial and other effects on women. Every woman is different and the impact of each act of violent or controlling behaviour depends on many complex factors.

Whilst each woman will experience male family violence uniquely, there are many common effects of living with a partner's violent and controlling behaviour.

Physical effects

The obvious physical effects of male family violence on women are physical injury and death. Yet there are also other effects on women's physical health that are not always the result of physical injuries.

These include: 

  • insomnia
  • chronic pain
  • a range of reproductive health problems 

Women who are experiencing male family violence have higher rates of miscarriage, probably because pregnancy is often a time when violence starts or gets worse.

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Mental health effects

Women who are abused by their partner are more likely to experience: 

  • depression
  • panic and phobias
  • anxiety 
  • sleeping disorders  
  • emotional problems. 

They have higher stress levels and are at greater risk of suicide attempts. They are at increased risk of misusing alcohol and other drugs, and of using minor tranquillisers and pain killers, as they attempt to make things feel better.

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Psychological effects

We must never underestimate the psychological effects of violent and controlling behaviour. Even when they have not been harmed physically, women who experience violent and controlling behaviours often have feelings of:

  • low sense of self-worth 
  • failure
  • powerlessness
  • helplessness
  • worthlessness. 

Many women who experience violence have impaired concentration, confusion and flashbacks.

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Being silenced

Women who experience male family violence are often unable to act on their own choices because of physical restraint, fear and intimidation. They might feel silenced and unable to express their point of view or experience. They often make their partner's needs and feelings the constant focus of their attention as a survival strategy and try to never assert their own needs. Women who experience male family violence live in constant fear of further violation.

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The impact on self-confidence

One of the most dangerous effects of male family violence is the damage it can do to a woman's perceptions over time. Women often lose confidence in their own perception of reality. Tragically, some women start to see their partner's behaviour as normal or as something that they deserve. The behaviour in question is still violent or controlling, even if the woman experiencing it does not recognise this. It is also violent or controlling even if the woman manages to defend herself and avoid some of the intended effects.

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Social isolation

Women who experience male family violence often have less confidence and experience far greater social isolation, including isolation from their own extended family. Isolation can be either a form of controlling behaviour or a result of women's stress, anxiety, shame, physical exhaustion, physical injuries and fear.

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The effects on women as mothers

Watching the effects of violence on their children can also be very damaging for women. They may feel, or be, unable to protect their children, which can have serious effects on their identity and confidence as mothers. Women's abilities to parent their children effectively are often severely affected by the effects of their experiences.

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