There are some very important things that you can gain from changing your behaviour.

Very personal gains 

Being violent and controlling doesn't make men feel good about themselves. Taking steps towards living non-violently can help men to feel more positive and more in control of their own life (rather than someone else's). Men who participate in men’s behaviour change groups often say they develop a better understanding of themselves. They have a wider range of options for how to be and how to act, and realise that they can choose not to use violence when they feel anger or other difficult emotions.

Better relationships

Research shows that a healthy, supportive relationship is the single, most important thing to impact on our well being and happiness. It is more significant than financial wealth, social status or occupation. Our ability to face daily challenges may be affected if our personal relationships are not strong and supportive. A strong and stable relationship will help you enjoy a good overall quality of life, so getting it right in your relationship is very important. 

For some men, it's too late to save their current relationship. Abuse breaks down trust and love, and it's understandable that many women choose to walk away. If this has happened to you, perhaps now is a good time to be working towards change. Participating in a men’s behaviour change group gives you a great opportunity to understand and change your attitudes and behaviour, and to respond differently when you feel anger and other difficult emotions. This will give your next relationship a better chance. 

Of course, men's violence and controlling behaviour has a huge impact on their children. To keep them safe, courts sometimes order that men's contact with their children is limited or supervised. Even when child protection is not involved, men usually find that their relationships with their children are deeply affected by their use of violence. 

If you have a child, then you have an additional incentive to seek help to change your behaviour. If you can start to treat your child and their mother with more respect, there is a better chance that — with time — you will be able to heal your relationship with the child.

One day I realised I had to do more than just apologise and promise the violence wouldn’t happen again. I had to take responsibility for my violence and work hard to change both my attitudes and behaviour. I am relieved that I have sorted things out. I would have been devastated to lose my family or have a criminal record. RICK [24 years]