It sounds obvious, but it’s impossible for anyone to feel the same about their partner when they’re being abused, however hard they might try to pretend that things are okay. 

Although all relationships are different, what tends to happen is that the woman who’s being abused ends up:

• walking on egg shells, terrified of when the abuse might start up again
• trying to pacify you or agreeing with you to try and stop you getting abusive again
• being quiet and not sharing things with you
• not expressing her feelings
• losing her sexual feelings. 

Using violence and controlling behaviour against your partner does not make for a rewarding and healthy relationship. It also gets in the way of dealing with any disagreements or conflicts that you have as a couple.

Yeah, there have definitely been times when I knew she was not interested in having sex. Oh I’d try to persuade her - if this didn’t work, I’d get angry and start yelling at her … I realise now I have no right to demand sex from my wife. No wonder she left me. STEVE [37 years]

Some of the information on this page has been adapted from Respect, a similar organisation to the Men's Referral Service based in the UK. We thank Respect for generously allowing us to use their material in this way.